Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
