I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
