You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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