I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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