trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
