I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
