I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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