are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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