She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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