I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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