I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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