He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
