I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
