i already hear my dad disowning me
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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