she was so not down for the gang bang
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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