Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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