i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
