he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
