Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
