No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
