If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
