I must be too annoying 4 u.
You can't special order awesome
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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