If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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