i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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