I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
