I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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