HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
