if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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