I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
