Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
