his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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