I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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