I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
