I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
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You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
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You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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