I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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