I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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