I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
