i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
