any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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