I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
