It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
