the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
