So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
