i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
