That's intense
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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