i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
