I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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