Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
