What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
