i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
