if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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