The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
