it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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