i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
