there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
