the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
