i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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