I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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