I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
