I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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