I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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