You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
