Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
