At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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