I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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