new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
