I skipped work to stalk him.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
