my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
