Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
