the new term for farting is butt boxing.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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